#without any taint
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
hi just wanted to take a moment and say sorry i haven't been posting a ton of my writing this month. i took it off (writing wise) for my mental health and due to not feeling entirely comfortable on here right now. i solemnly swear come july i'll be back, and hopefully worse better than ever. <3
#everyone say 'shut up ghost' in unison#july is gonna be my month (i say in the mirror over and over until i convince myself it's true)#im still writing behind the scenes but just grappling with the never ending battle of enjoying writing and loving things that bring me joy#without any taint#the internet's a weird place these days
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me vs Arknights' story
Instead of working on school stuff, I decided to sit down and watch the Arknights story (that got fragmented between missions, and which I often skipped bcs of time-constraints). As one does.
(I'm never picking up that game again, because fuck gacha-games with a crowbar. But the world is too interesting, and the music too epic to not want to engage with it at all.)
And it occurred to me that early Reunion is actually really blatant about misinterpreting "vengeance" as "hope".
As in, the characters keep saying that Reunion brought them hope, but what they actually mean is that Reunion brought them the opportunity and ability to strike back against their oppressors.
I'm not faulting them for that (a certain celebrated CEO-assassination would make a hypocrite of me if I did), but I feel like this is an important distinction to make?
There's some overlap between "vengeance" and "hope", because they can somewhat build off of each other. Similar to how peaceful advocacy and political engagement can often be helped by "violent resistance".
But they're two very different forces.
Hope says "we'll make it through this, and create a better tomorrow". And vengeance says "the people who did this to us, will never be able to do it to anyone else".
In light of that, I can't condemn "vengeance" as a force at all. But it's interesting how Reunion is shown to be mischaracterizing their own ideology as being "hope".
#obviously this is probably a very tainted perception bcs early-Reunion probably still remember real-Talulah#and that makes it difficult to determine if they DID give them ''hope'' to start with.#and then had it twist into ''vengeance'' without any of them realizing it (because they were hurting too much to question lashing out)#or if this is genuinely a confusion that's been fostered from the get-go of Reunion (as it is at the story-start)#OR if chernobog was supposed to be ''take it over and make it into a haven for the infected''#that then didn't work out like that bcs of... reasons. so they DID bring them ''hope'' of their own city where they were safe#and where they could protect each other from non-infected people trying to do horrible shit to them.#like... the third option would make sense as a plan. but everyone who talks keep saying ''we'll hurt them like they hurt us''#even long after chernobog has fallen. so i get the feeling that it wouldn't be the rank-and-file thought-pattern at least#arknights#musings#video games
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
Fun(?) question: If you could only write/read one trope ever again for the rest of your life, which would it be?
(I am aware that tropes are tools and most stories have multiple in them. I mean tropes as central foundations for stories. Play along please lol.)
Happy new year, bud! I'm looking forward to that Mikey First Edition in this year 2025.
But wow. This is a really hard question, because there are quite a few that I really enjoy...
Someone who is flawed and broken learning that they're allowed love and heal, and they shouldn't be condemned to an eternal cycle of misery and loneliness because of the past. The idea that you are worthy of happiness even at your lowest, darkest point is important to me. For reasons.
It doesn't even have to be romantic. Friendship. Brotherhood. Found family. Finding your pack. Healing, loving, becoming a better person for yourself, but with their hand in yours.
#Being frozen out of our life#stuck in perpetual cold without any human connection because you don't believe you deserve it#(or that you will taint it) is a special kind of hell.#writing a character healing from that is catharsis#asks#great ask Mikey
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to bring tiktok drama on tumblr but like every time a ‘scandal’ comes out with one of these ‘production companies’ that make fan films i always hope we’re finally gonna discuss how they professionalize something that should be an hobbyist endeavor… and yet every single time i’m disappointed.
#like I know we’ve been talking about it here on tumblr and i remember seeing like one or two videos on tt about it#but other than that creators really don’t seem to be engaging critically with the impact that the very nature of what they’re doing has#and look i truly do love the art that some of the people involved in the project make#like arone is truly one of the most talented cosplayers i know#ethan is an amazing actor and I’ve followed him since before he was even in the marauders#dorian is a great writer and idk the others as well but I’m sure they are all great artists#((naming the just cause i feel like being vague would be worse in this case))#and i do believe they engaged with the project with the best of intentions#without knowing or trying to afford grace on past controversy#and it truly is a horrible predicament to have your work be tainted like that for something you had no control over#but like i do think we should be questioning the very idea of how this fanfilms have been made is inherently a problem#like fanfilms are essentially fanfiction on camera#so as long as a few cosplayers want to get together with their iphones write a script and shoot at the local park I don’t have a problem#but if you are putting in place a product that somehow requires you to fundraise consistently for two years then I have a problem with it#ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SELLING THE SCRIPT TO DO SO#cause even if that script hadn’t been ai generated#that script is fanfiction and you do. not. sell. fanfiction.#seriously like… do we need to go over our abc again?#like fanart and cosplayers are a bit different in the sense that people sell fanart/do commissions and they can be professional cosplayers#but for any other fanmade project that requires you to put pen to paper (or keyboard to chatgpt ig)#you need to be engaging with several ethical questions regarding any exchange of money#and personally i don’t think that there’s been engagement with those ethical reflections#and this isn’t about any of the people involved and not even about mischief productions specifically#it’s about a wider issue in how we have been collectively normalizing a way of doing things that should not be normal#and like yes star using ai and being overall not good is bad but like can we talk about EVERYTHING ELSE please
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think house could be cuddy's weed smoking girlfriend actually,
#hatecrimes md#not an original thought maybe but idc i truly dont think he could be wilsons weed smoking girlfriend#he causes too much stress#the stress he causes cuddy is different bc their actual relationship outside of work isnt so reliant on their constant discommunication#with wilson their freindship is built on never saying what they really mean so houses position as weed smoking girlfreind is tainted#who knows if hes actually telling the truth#as is the god given duty of the weed smoking girlfriend#which also to be fair much of house's character in general is built on repression and obfustication and hiding behind various behaviors#specifically in order to hide what hes really thinking/feeling at any given time#(which yes comes back as self-sabotage when he does have an actual emotionally charged sincere moment but in a much less intentional way)#anyway with cuddy his moments of uncharacteristic bluntness carry more of a hopeful tone#compared to the ones with wilson which give pure gut wrenching doomed yaoi (i love you after the outlet thing + the whole car scene + etc)#the weed smoking girlfriend's job is to deliver gut wrenching truths in a blunt/sincere way#(blunt way lol)#the weed smoking girlfriend's observations are a call to action: they actively de-obfusticate the situation#and theres no way house is ever going to be that honest with wilson bc it would call for the restructuring of their entire friendship#not until the finale anyway#ughhh what am i talking about#idiots#cant housepost without the idiots tag either#WHY CANT I USE COMMAS IN TAGS WTF????#hate
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
took a funger soul type quiz and picked choices I thought long and real hard about for an oc I've already assigned as endless and got the endless result 😎
#ajax rebane | the informant i wont u#speak iza#before i was in the process of writing him i thought to make him tainted because he really is just a tool for corrupt forces to infiltrate-#-any space without regard for him as a person. forced into this life#but i reconsidered mainly bc of his skillset (hes an informant who mainly gathers by getting people comfortable around him and smoothtalking#and has to move to a lot of places) and that hes basically in an endless loop of quests and twisting peoples wrists behind their backs to-#disarm and escape. he grits his teeth in this other endless pursuit of escape that he'll make it out someday through his own means#man i should like post the options later and explain why#also love assigning my other ocs in the other options its fun
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyway taking my own advice and finally realizing that the deaths in the infinity castle weren't random gut punches but they were directly related to who was reincarnated and whose descendants appeared and it wasnt bc whoever died deserved to be reincarnated, it was that they all needed a second chance, a slate wiped clean, and death was necessary for that
#obanai being unable to let himself love mitsuri bc he considered himself tainted#himejima being perpetually scarred by kaigakus betrayal and unable to trust/believe in fundamental goodness#sanemi being completely unable to express his love to genya in any manner besides shoving him away#muichiro having lost his complimentary half and missing him so desperately without even knowing#shinobu devoting her whole life to a revenge that literally poisoned her from the inside
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why is circe by ghost giving me Tim Drake feels right now
#I know your soul is not tainted even though you’ve been told so#I can see though the scars inside you#can’t you see that you’re lost? can’t you see that you’re lost without me?#oh my god#oh wait#oh my god never mind this is so Michael Afton#holy shit#like it’s so both of them#but it is /soooooo/ Michael#any way#*adds to the POV you are gay British zombie playlist*#and also my secret Tim Drake playlist#that is not public#because it is almost entirely made up of au stuff that will not make sense to anyone else#and a lot of clown vibey stuff (joker junior baaabyyyyyy)
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Huh...so Templars use lyrium to block magic. Alistair (and potentially the Warden) can keep Templar skills WITHOUT using lyrium drafts according to Al. But, uh, they’re both Wardens. Templars block magic by reaching for ‘something else that leaves no room’ for magic or something, according to Cole. The Wardens are connected to something else, something other too. Not going anywhere with this. Just think its neat.
#Dragon Age#Lyrium#just thoughts#otherwise the idea that Alistair's dragon blood is why he thinks people can use Templar abilities without lyrium is an amusing one (for me)#Warrior Wardens meanwhile when getting taught by him are like 'reach for that thing in your blood? okay. so the taint. GOT IT'#I hate not being able to pick locks or set things on fire so I don't play warrior so this HC isn't relevant in any way to me but I have it
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
And it isn't even as though Dolly's Christianity is noncondemning: the linked article quotes her putting gayness and transness in the same bucket with alcoholism and drug addiction.
"I have some of everybody in my own immediate family and in my circle of employees," she explained. "I've got transgender people. I've got gays. I've got lesbians. I've got drunks. I've got drug addicts — all within my own family. I know and love them all, and I do not judge."
Oh dear... someone's met the consequences of their actions.
"I regret using Dolly as the example for the point I was making in the article,” she said. “As I wrote in the piece, I love her and think she does some incredible things for the world. We all make poor choices in how to frame things sometimes. This was one of those moments for me! Dolly is one of the few people who is beloved by all and who loves all. The world is lucky to have her."
#ex christian#even#Dolly Parton#can be tainted by Christianity#''I have short people and fat people and alcoholics and drug addicts in my own family and I love them all without judgement''#...seems like you've done some judging.#Why add acquired harmful traits to a list of innate harmless traits unless you see them all as the same?#Very few people are born addicted to drugs or alcohol#and they typically don't want to be addicted.#Being gay or trans or short or fat is very different!#Society might make it unpleasant to be these things—but just BEING them won't destroy your brain or liver#or any other part of your body you need to live#Dolly Parton rocks.#Christianity sucks.#I hope she gets free of it someday.
568 notes
·
View notes
Text
why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
0 notes
Text
really in a weird spot rn friend-wise. i really need responsible people to hang out with, who understand my situation. people who respect me and my time.
#dile rambles#i think The Group had really tainted how much i feel like i deserve any kind of positivity#i DO deserve friends and i DO deserve people who will listen to my dumb shit#i DO deserve friends that will listen to my concerns without gaslighting me#i DO deserve friends who will stand up for me#I really need to leave for good but ive stayed very on the fringe for a while now#watching from afar and hoping something changes maybe but nope#a very old friend of mine also#i feel like they have been using me as a vent journal#they dont even ask how im doing most of the time#im gettin SICK OF IT ALL#love yall who are here tho if youre here youre considered safe#ive been hiding a lot of my sad feelings because the people i do care deeply about have enough going on without my negative shit
0 notes
Text
KILLSHOT
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b9f41e2577c9a45156d251ac18ca8855/6ffa029e4a4f4e2e-9c/s540x810/515e4bdf114909e6a407f5d01c1b4fc256b7b63f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6f2e46e2e046e5c8118091682167cab0/6ffa029e4a4f4e2e-58/s540x810/cceead8c4bf69b9b26d9b57ac9975df32f97a9da.webp)
sypnosis when fate gives you back your supposedly “dead” foster childhood bestfriend who is now the colonel of one of the most powerful fleets in the world, what else is there to do but fuck him right in the interrogation room?
warnings interrogation, caleb is mean for like 0.24848 seconds cause lbr he is a puppy of a man, drugging, drugged sex, improper use of evol, collaring, mutual pining, biting, marking, betrayal, mindfuck, injuries, mentions of blood, psychological warfare, seduction, fighting, hurt and comfort, angst, potential spoilers for “farspace deprivation” and “farspace bloomfall”, dark themes, hate sex, cervix fucking, fingers in mouth, sucking on gloved fingers, gunplay, degradation, undertones of Dom/sub, oral sex, kink, bratting, disciplining, after effects of interrogations, unprotected sex, ceiling sex, grieving, spoilers for chapter 4, mentions of death, aftercare, cuddling, guilt, repressed emotions, 18+
dawn says caleb girlies RISE UP oh we are eating so good our man is back home and you KNOW i had to write about his hot new glowup in that slutty colonel outfit,...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6f2e46e2e046e5c8118091682167cab0/6ffa029e4a4f4e2e-58/s540x810/cceead8c4bf69b9b26d9b57ac9975df32f97a9da.webp)
Yet again, you’re in the thick of trouble.
They said curiosity killed the cat, and this time, you had little doubt of coming out alive. But, it can hardly be classified as your fault.
It was a stupid lead. A blind coordinate Nero sent to you, leading you to stumble right into the heart of a military operation unauthorized. In the world of bureaucracy and red tape, it’s as good as being dead.
Now, you’re being led away, bound and blindfolded with no one to blame but yourself for your shitty luck and foresight.
Whoever is leading you to your certain death stops in his tracks, nudging you into a cool room. You’re made to sit on a hard chair, and within seconds, your wrists are untied only to be bound again to the chair’s arms and something hard and circular is snapped onto your neck.
“Unh—” you gasp when you hear the soft whir of the device starting. A sudden pressure wraps around your body, holding you back from resonating. Without your Evol, you’re defenceless and whoever has captured you knows it.
“Don’t resist.”
A cold voice pierces the silence. You stop squirming and peel your ears.
“W-who’s there?” You curse the stutter in your question, the trembling underlying your show of courage.
A Hunter resists and never gives up intel easily. Evasion Interrogation Class 101. You weren’t going to cave without a fight.
The slow approach of boots on the hard floor thumps like the blood rushing through your ears. You tense, feeling the other person’s presence before you.
Light floods your senses, and your eyes pry open when the blindfold is whipped off your face. You blink, trying to focus on the dark spot standing right in front of you. The furrow of his brow is the first thing you notice, then those piercing violet eyes.
No…
“Hey… Pipsqueak.”
Your blood turns to ice in your veins, fear shooting up your spine.
It can’t be… you struggle to make sense of what you’re seeing, feeling your stomach dropping heavily right into the soles of your Hunter boots. It can’t…
You mourned him. You watched your entire family—your world—go up in flames.
This stranger wearing his face sits down in front of you, legs spreading with ease under the stretch of his starched white pants. He’s in a decorated jacket, one you’ve never seen him wear before. It’s like the memory of all that you once knew of Caleb is corrupted with a dark veneer, giving way to this tainted version sitting before you with barely any emotion in his eyes.
The familiar slope of his features, the same ones you’ve seen throughout the years, changing and growing, as intimate to you as your own breath, is cold and distant.
Warm sunny days, the smell of freshly cut grass, a hand holding yours through the rain…
It disappears in a flash of lightning, the dark clouds rolling behind him like the dread churning right in your gut.
Your voice is soft, fringed with disbelief, as the shock renders you immobile to the chair.
“What?” He quips, and a shadow of his old smile appears. But, where there was once familiarity, now there only exists the ruins of everything you held dear.
“Don’t you recognize me?”
It’s as if he’s goading you.
He picks up an apple from the centerpiece on the table next to the chair he has you strapped in, and holds it in his hand like it would give him all the answers in the world. His pensive gaze, those once wondrous violet eyes catching the last of the sun’s rays as it disappeared over a river, cloud over with an undeniable oppression.
He can’t even look at you properly.
“Did you honestly think I would always be the kind-hearted boy from your childhood?”
Like a horror show unfolding, he lifts his gaze, looking right into your depths, as the snap of the apple's skin gives way to the tension of his jaws. A bit of its juice dribbles onto his lower lip, and you force yourself to tear your eyes away, needing to retain your wits. Caleb sets the fruit down, chewing thoughtfully, before lifting it to your lips.
“Eat,” he murmurs softly, a shadow of his old self on the tired terrain of his face. “You must be starving.”
The sweet boy from your past can’t be coincided with this cold man right in front of you. Where you would’ve leapt at the opportunity to taste any dish from the labor of his kind hands, you fear this forbidden bite would poison you the second his tainted fruit touched your lips.
Turning your head away, you glare at the rain-slicked windows, trying to hide the sting in your eyes.
Caleb, knowing how stubborn you can be, sighs and drops his olive branch offering.
“Fine.” His voice is flat. Unemotional. “Let’s get to the bottom of things, then.”
He stands, and you feel a fissure of fear opening in your chest when he retrieves his baton, removing his military cap and tossing it onto the table.
“Why’re you here?”
You refuse to open your mouth, glaring at him. Caleb shakes his head.
“You always have to make things so hard for me, don’t you, Pipsqueak?” He murmurs and steps closer to you, the fire in his violet gaze crackling. “You’ve always been insufferable since we were kids. Now—” he frowns. “—why are you here? And how did you find this place?”
You find your voice, croaking out, “I didn’t mean to—”
“Didn’t mean to? Are you sure?” He cuts you off coldly. Caleb straightens and adjusts his gloves. There’s a hint of a smile on his face, though it’s corrupted by the detachment oozing from his suddenly frosty demeanour. “You expect me to believe that? That you just stumbled into the scene like a stray kitten?”
When you don’t speak, he sighs, kneeling down to your height. The warmth of his eyes is back and a lump forms in your throat.
“Caleb…” your whisper is soft. Tentative. He senses a chink in your defenses, a drop of blood in the ocean, and the gleam of his teeth reminds you of a shark.
“All you have to do is answer my questions, Pipsqueak,” he murmurs, lifting a hand to stroke your hair. “Can you do that for me? Can you be a good girl?” That same, mischievous smile plays on the corners of his lips, though it sends a chill down your spine, instead. “There’s more than one pair of eyes observing you in this room so I suggest you play nice.”
He pulls back again, depriving you of his warmth. “Now that you understand, we can have a friendly chat, hmm, Pips?” When you refuse to look at him, or give any indication you’re willing to cooperate, he sighs.
Instantly, the sensation of a thousand bricks falling onto your shoulders hits you, and you scream, almost crushed by the pressure. Caleb uses this momentary distraction to kneel down and lock your ankles to the chair’s legs and snap a band around your right wrist, his other hand gently running the ghost of his touch up your ankle. The forcefield of his Evol deters him from ever touching your skin, and if you could look closer, you would’ve seen his throat bobbing from a harsh swallow.
“Do you remember that injured cat you brought back home? Back when we were kids?” He glares up at you. “I got a collar with a bell. That way, it couldn't escape without being noisy,” he gently squeezes your knee. “The same can be said for you—you’re not allowed to leave me again.”
As he speaks, something sharp pokes your neck and you flinch. While your eyes are on him, the room starts to spin, and before you know it, you’re hunched over the chair, gasping and shaking.
“Caleb,” your voice sounds like you’re whispering from under the sea. “W-what’s—?”
“Don’t worry,” his reassurances warble back. “It won’t harm you—images in your brain,” his words flicker through your consciousness and you feel the collar tightening around your throat.
Shit… He had sanctioned a drug to be shot into your system.
Your woozy eyes keep on sliding back to the floor.
Caleb has drugged me.
“Where did you find the coordinates to this place?”
You’re fighting a losing battle trying to keep your composure. Everything feels too loud—too bright. Digging your nails into the chair’s arms, you grit your teeth, fighting back against the wave of vertigo threatening to take you under. You feel like you’re on a rollercoaster, out of breath, the ground dangling far from your feet. Every sharp inhale you take makes you float higher and higher, till you think your brain would burst from the stratosphere of your skull.
Nero… Nero knew this… and he let you walk right into it.
Nero… The sound of Caleb’s voice pierces through your mind like bright light cutting past the fog. That’s good, Pipsqueak. That’s my good girl… Is Nero your colleague?
You think of him, in his horn-rimmed glasses, hunched over his screen.
Good, Caleb’s voice soothes you, a lifeline through this impenetrable fog your mind has settled in. And, why are you here?
The image of his dog tag with the apple charm takes over your mind, and it hits you too late that Caleb can possibly see your thoughts unfold.
What are the possibilities that you can fight this? Your brain races. You feel like an astronaut stranded in space, isolated from gravity and light, as your spacesuit begins to fill up with water, almost drowning you.
A sharp jab to your chest makes your eyes flutter open, and his baton is pointed right at the apple charm hanging around your neck. Something softer, presumably made out of hide, brushes your chin as he studies the charm in between his fingers, his expression unreadable.
“It’ll all be over soon,” he whispers, the switch flipping, “As long as you keep on cooperating.”
You lean into his reassurances, a whimper slipping past your gritted teeth.
“I know, I know,” he soothes, and stands before you, his hands clenched into fists. “But, it’s for your own good. Just a little longer, Pips.”
He asks his final question: “Were you trailed?”
You can’t stop the next thought from forming in your head of your Hunter’s watch. Instantly, the band is ripped from your wrist, and you hear a loud crunch. The air thickens and you close your eyes, trying to find your centre. The world threatens to spin off your axis; G-Force pressure right in your center threatens to tear you apart.
Please… make it stop…
Like a switch has been flipped, the spinning cyclone in your mind stops. The sound of your harsh breathing and the erratic pulse in your ears is the only thing you can hear. Someone kneels right in front of you, and you don’t have the strength to push him away, not when he’s this close.
“Congratulations,” he says softly, stretching his hand like he wants to pat your head, but retracts it at the last minute. “You passed.”
The collar slips off your neck, and you hear it being tossed onto the table. “Come here,” he whispers and unbinds you. Caleb lifts you into his arms, though not even his warmth can comfort you.
Through the fog whirling in your mind, you make a snap decision.
Your hand collides into his cheek, the loud slap ricocheting around the room. He grunts, taken aback, and you use the momentum to swing your legs, wrapping your thighs around his neck so he’s forced to let go of you. Using every iota of balance you can muster, you land on your feet, none too gracefully. His hand wraps around your arm and practically hiss, sinking your teeth into his flesh.
Caleb gasps, and whips his hand back, glaring down at you.
“Hey! It’s me—”
But, you’re not listening. You’re ready to pounce when he grabs your wrist, drawing you closer to him, pressing your cheek to his chest so you can hear the harsh rise and fall of his breathing.
“Pips, it’s me,” he tries earnestly again. “It’s me. I’m back.”
To your horror, you start to cry, fat tears rolling down your cheeks.
You sob and blubber like a child, growing weak in his arms as the hand in his grasp turns into a fist and you smack it weakly against his hard chest.
“How could you?” is the first thing you ask through your sobs. And, the next: “How’re you even alive?”
Caleb looks away, like he might reveal too much if he stares into your eyes. “It’s complicated—”
“Bullshit,” your anger resounds in the room like the crack of a whip. You should’ve bit him harder.
You think you see him flinch. You push away from his arms and he looks down at you, every crevice of his face dripping with desolation. There’s a glimmer of wetness in his eyes, and yet, you can’t trust it.
You can’t trust him.
“Pipsqueak,” he tries again, reminding you of the times when you were both younger, and he had to sweet-talk you out of a bad mood. “I know you must think some chip got put into my brain, or I’m no longer who I used to be. But, I’m still me,” he urges, and lifts your chin to meet his eyes. “I’m still Caleb. I never left.”
You grit your teeth and with a strength neither of you expect you to have, you push him against the table, pressing yourself in between his legs. Caleb grunts, but doesn’t shove you aside. He looks up at you, with those same pitiful, defiant violet eyes that urges you to either kiss him senseless or claw his eyeballs out.
… Wait.
Kiss him senseless?
You shake your head, pushing those thoughts aside. As if he can’t control himself anymore, he runs his knuckles down the back of your thighs, the new (downright useless) mandated Hunters uniform showing off too much bare skin. But, you couldn’t care less about that right now.
Right now, you have a score to settle with your oldest childhood friend.
“You’re still the same, huh?” Your hand presses to his chest, feeling the erratic pulse of his heartbeat under your palm. Even through all the layers he wears, you can still feel the heat of his body seeping past your skin. “You’re still the same Caleb I knew—the same one who walked through that damn door—” you growl, curling your hand into a fist and hitting it right into his sternum, “—and blew up on me?!”
“Pipsqueak—”
“Don’t you dare,” you seethe, baring your teeth. Though the tears continue to fall, your mind is honed in. Focused.
The need to obliterate him, to make him feel a shred of the same pain he had put you through for months, rears its ugly head.
Like he can read your mind—and you honestly think he can—he caresses your face, running his thumb over your jaw. The look on his face is pure regret, mingled with something unfathomable. You scent it in the lingering heat of his breath on your parted lips, or how much closer his face has gotten to yours.
Right here, he’s in the palm of your hands… And yet, why is he still so painfully out of reach?
“I don’t trust you,” the words slip past your numb lips before you can take them back. You grip his face, steadying those violet eyes on your furious ones. “I need to test you… to put you through a trial.”
The look of indignation on his face is delicious, and it whets your appetite for vindication.
“A trial?” He almost sounds insulted. “What have I done wrong?”
Your other hand slowly reaches for the front of his chest, running the tip of your finger down the starch lapels of his jacket. “You were missing. For months,” you grit out the words. “I need to check if you’re still him.”
“Still… me?”
You growl and tighten your grip on his chin.
“What is my favorite food?”
Caleb huffs, as if you had just asked him what color the sky was. “Braised chicken wings,” he murmurs almost sarcastically. “Next.”
You glance at the bite mark on his hand. “What is my favorite way of getting you back?”
He raises a brow. “Biting. I remember how when we were kids, you bit me so hard, the mark took 15 days to disappear.”
You swallow. He’s correct again.
Reluctantly, you loosen your grip on his chin. The position you’re both in hits you—his arm around your waist, his free hand still stroking the back of your thigh. Your one hand tangled in his jacket and the other still on his chin.
Heat floods your cheeks, and you recall him saying that there were more than one pair of eyes watching in this room. But, a part of you—the one who’s been deprived of Caleb for far too long, who had to contend with days of loneliness and missing him, couldn’t care less.
“Pipsqueak,” he murmurs, and his hand moves from your leg to your hair, gently nudging you deeper into the circle of his arms. The smell of him floods your nostrils with nostalgia and a hint of pine, the old Caleb you grew up with solidifying further and further under your touch.
“Caleb…”
Faster than two atoms on the path to collision, his lips are on yours.
Caleb kisses you like you’re the only source of oxygen left in his world. Something crashes onto the floor, and the plate of apples rolls onto the carpet, an orchard of sin scattered in between your legs pressed together. The sweet, tart flavor of the fruit he had just eaten saturates your tastebuds, and you moan when he desperately tangles his tongue with yours.
He lifts you into his arms bridal style, and carries you down a narrow hallway you had never noticed before, the flashing thunder illuminating the gaudy paintings hung on the wall.
He takes you to what looks like a medical room, though no one is in there. Your lips press to his neck, kissing and sucking on his pulse point. He hisses and in a low tone, warns, “Keep that up and you might regret it, Pipsqueak.”
Gently, like you’re precious cargo, he sets you down onto the bed, those violet eyes like a newfound nebula fixed onto you, filled with the brightest stars in the galaxy.
Caleb runs his hand up your thigh, and you flicker your gaze to his gun holster.
In the split second when he’s distracted, you lunge right for it, grabbing the handle.
He yelps, taken aback, but is faster, snapping his hand around your wrists to impede your movements. The gun drops from your grasp like dead weight, along with your hopes of ever escaping. If looks could kill, you would be dead meat from the intensity of his glare.
Caleb exhales, fixing his frigid gaze onto yours.
“Oh,” he chuckles, and you shiver at the dark edge in his tone. “You will pay for that.”
Gravity surrounds you like a weighted blanket, except it pins you to the bed rather than offering any comfort. Your whimper is lost behind the gloved hand that muffles your cries, hissing into your ear to, “Stay still, goddamnit.”
Caleb is breathing hard, a drop of sweat rolling from his temple down his throat. You feel it dripping onto your neck, your wild eyes fix on him.
When he’s sure you won't retaliate again, he stands up from the bed, bearing down on you. Picking up the gun from the floor, he trails it right to your temple. His Evol hasn’t muffled your speech, but you don’t want to say a word to him, preferring to glare.
“I asked you a simple question—”
“And, you know I can’t answer that,” he retaliates, recognizing what you’re trying to do. His brow furrows. “There are things I can’t tell you, Pips. Things you don’t even understand—”
“Then, help me understand!” You’re yelling now, close to tears. “Help me understand why you left… why you left me…” your voice breaks on the last word, and a look of regret shadows his face.
“I never wanted to.” The gun slides from your temple right to your jaw, but you’re not afraid of it. Nothing in the world can keep you from knowing the truth; from uncovering every layer in Caleb’s new facade.
(But, maybe, this dark side of him has always been there, and you were just too blind not to notice).
He takes a shaky breath. “If I had the choice to do it over again, I would’ve never—ever—left you.”
Sincerity bleeds past the shades of night falling outside the window. Silence envelopes the two of you, and the realization dawns when he exhales your name.
“Pipsqueak…”
“Don’t call me that.”
You’re not his Pipsqueak anymore, the same way he is inexplicably not your Caleb anymore.
He gets back down to his knees, right in front of you. The look on his face is nothing short of misery, heavy with a thousand implications he could never divulge.
You’re desperate, hungry for more. To know more, to feel more. To embrace the darkness brewing in you like the undeniable heat that’s simmering between your two bodies.
“Do you hate it?” He asks softly, in a voice frayed with a thousand emotions, and you sense he’s not referring to your old nickname. Do you hate me?
The silent question hangs heavy in the air, and without a second thought, you turn your face and press your lips to the barrel of his gun.
You can point a weapon at me, but you will never shoot, your kisses on the cold metal speak where words fail you. The gun trembles in his grasp, and between your body pinned to the bed from his Evol and a military-grade weapon pointed at you, what you’re doing is completely ballsy. And, insane.
“I know you have secrets,” you murmur as the cold metal tip travels to the nape of your neck. Despite himself and his rigorous self-control, Caleb is still a man.
Still flesh and bone. Love and grief.
“But, we’re a team, remember? You and me. Me and you. We work together, Caleb. Not against each other.”
Your blurry mind tries hard to focus on the task at hand—needing to throw him off guard—but you can’t deny how the heat in his hooded eyes is making you feel.
He inhales sharply at your words, though the rest of his expression remains unreadable. “I told you, what I know is top secret and even you’re not allowed to know it.”
Those violet eyes trail down your susceptible body spread wide open for him on the bed, and you notice a flicker of hunger behind his dark gaze.
You’ve always loved Caleb’s attention: whether he’s complimenting you on scoring a goal, or commending your plane model assembly skills.
Everything you did was, to a degree, for him to see you. To finally accept you wholeheartedly and without restraint.
You were his little tail; the Pipsqueak who followed him around like his shadow.
And even now, when he has a gun right at your throat, all you can think about is how much you want to please him.
Tilting your head back, you moan when the barrel slides down the valley of your breasts. His breathing is growing heavier; the look in his lilac eyes is stormy and dark.
“You… like this?”
He sounds hoarse. In disbelief.
You nod. “I…” you lick your lips. “I love it.”
The cool metal grazes your jaw, and when it taps on your lips, you don’t hesitate to part them. Glancing into those molten, violet eyes, you suck on the hollow tip, aware of his finger on the trigger and the look of undefiled lust on his face.
“God,” he mumbles, hungrily eyeing how deep the barrel is down your throat. “You’re such a good, good little girl…”
He prises the gun from between your teeth, and the strands of saliva connecting your swollen lips to the spit-soaked metal shimmers in the low light.
Caleb tosses the gun onto the table, growling as he crawls on top of you.
The effect of his Evol fades, allowing you to move your feet, but his hands on your knees make sure you can’t pull off anything funny.
“You’re gonna lay back, and you’re going to be good,” he lifts your leg and kisses over your knee. It would be so easy to drive the hard cartilage right into his nose… but, you don’t want his hands to leave your skin. You want to see what he will do next.
The off-duty Hunter uniform you’re wearing rides up your thighs, exposing the plush fat of your thighs. His gloves rasping on your skin drives a shiver up your spine.
It’s like he refuses to engage in skin-to-skin, whether as punishment or a caution.
You whine softly when his bigger body bears down on yours.
“Caleb…”
He grasps your chin, none too gentle as he pulls you closer to him. “Look at you,” he growls, pushing himself closer—the heat of his body melting with yours. “Look at what you do to me.”
It’s hard to even breathe when he’s close enough to devour your face.
His breath grazes your cheek, and you close your eyes. Your oldest childhood friend savors the proximity, taking in a whiff of your clean perfume.
Before your mind can play catchup, your body falls right into the orbit of his desire; lips on his, breaths mingling as one.
“Fuck,” Caleb breathes, a moan pulled from the depths of his chest, tortured and strangled. “You taste so—nhng—”
He gasps when your arms come to loop around his shoulders, dragging him almost between your legs. He steadies himself, gloved palms on the bed. You run your hands over the starch grooves of his jacket, finding the first button.
Caleb lets your touch wander aimlessly, his breath caught in the back of his throat.
“Are you sure?” He whispers, those anguished violet eyes almost gouging into yours with an intensity that leaves you breathless. “Are you sure you want this?”
Are you sure you want me?
As a silent answer, you lean forward, catching his lower lip in between your teeth.
“Ngnhmhm,” he moans, gasping when you bite down hard.
He tastes blood and your desperation, helping you unbutton his coat. The heavy chain slaps against your eager cheek in his rush to slide it off his arms. “Shit—sorry.” Cool fingers brush the afflicted cheek. “You alright, sweetness?”
You nod, huffing and moving your hands to his other lighter jacket, unbuttoning it. He chuckles at your eagerness and helps you with the brass buttons. As the layer disappears, you’re confronted with another shirt.
“How many clothes are you wearing?!” Your cry brings a mischievous grin tugging on the corners of his lips.
“Lots,” he murmurs and takes over with a nimble skill only a man of his caliber can have. The grey shirt melts off his broad shoulders, discarded onto the floor, and finally—fucking finally—he removes the black turtleneck, revealing smooth acres of warmed, tan skin right under your touch.
You exhale shakily, running your fingers down his distinct pectorals, tugging on the dog tag around his neck. Your eyes land on the familiar apple charm.
“How—?”
He thumbs the similar charm hanging from around your neck. For the first time this evening, he voluntarily gives up some information.
“I—uh—had someone copy my old necklace.”
The look of disbelief on your face is enough to deter his next words.
“You decoyed the necklace I gifted you?”
Caleb winces. “C’mon, Pip—I-I mean, love…” he sighs and presses his palm to the back of your head, drawing you closer to peck your pouty lips. “It helped me make sure you were safe. Plus,” he adds, a touch of humor in his tone. “You did tell me you would kick my ass if I ever took it off.”
You struggle to understand the layers behind his words, fighting to form a reply when his lips travel to the juncture of your neck, softly kissing and sucking your sensitive flesh.
Focused on retrieving the truth, you fight hard against his best efforts at derailing you. “You—mhm—were tracking me? All this time?”
Caleb doesn’t pause his sensual assault, groaning softly. “Won’t call it tracking per say…”
You want to get mad. Truly, you do. But, the feeling of his teeth grazing your pulse point melts any coherent thoughts left in your brain.
The confusion you felt before gives way to something deeper. Unrestrained. He kisses you again, and you absorb the feeling of warm skin under your palms, feeling the heat of his body thrumming under your touch. His muscles expand and contract with every shaky breath, his chest pressed so intimately to yours.
You squirm, and he hisses, restraining your hips to the bed.
“Stop that,” he hisses.
Confusion overtakes you, and you want to ask what’s wrong when he winces and shifts his hips further from yours, instinctively setting a physical boundary you want gone immediately.
“Are you scared?” It’s your turn to goad him. If he thinks you’re going to be nothing but docile and wanting, he’s been away for far too long.
His lips twitch. “Of you? Nah. But, of what I can do?” His voice drops an octave, and he leans in, one gloved hand going to your chin, holding it in place. “If anyone should be scared, it’s you.”
Caleb tests the waters of this new dynamic unfolding between you two, dipping his fingers past the gap of your lips. The breach should make you pull away, take a step back to reassess the situation.
But, you’re as much under his spell as you have bewitched him.
The taste of earthy hardness fills your mouth, and you suck on his thumb obediently.
Caleb looks down at you, the heat in his eyes almost touching the boiling point. A few more moments of your teasing, and he would be close to bursting and taking you right on this bed.
Never one to be satisfied with what he is allowed to take, Caleb pushes his luck further, sinking his thumb deeper down the soft gullet of your throat; compressing your gurgled words down to the bottom of your mouth in his journey to devour everything you can give him.
“Oh, fuck.” He groans when you take another finger into your mouth like you were meant for him. “That’s a good girl… my good little girl…”
You moan around his digits stuffed down your throat, peeling your watery eyes to his smirking expression.
“Cat got your tongue, Pipsqueak?” He murmurs, and stretches your jaw with a third finger. You’re so full of the taste of him, you start to choke. “You look so pretty like this—not a thought in your brain, just relying on me to make you full… to make you whole.”
His words send a shiver down your spine. You want to protest, but deep down, it’s true.
The grief that clashes with his year-long absence, this “new” side to him you are starting to unravel… the old Calen, the one you loved and looked up to, is starting to metamorphosize right before your eyes.
“Cwaleb—” you whimper past his fingers.
He’s barely laid a hand on you and you’re already folding.
Pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he discreetly wipes off your spit on the bed sheets, fixing you with an arched brow.
As if asking: Well… your move, Pipsqueak.
Your hands fly to the buckle of his military pants, the sound of his zipper dragging down punctuating the air like a crass remark.
Caleb stiffens when he feels your cool finger dipping past the waistband and he shudders, mind going hazy at a touch he had only dreamed off but never thought would come true. When you reveal him to the cool air, he’s half-flaccid, already at a six inch mast and the prettiest shade of pink you have ever seen with an undertone of mauve.
He’s part of the thicker team, though length-wise, it would make any woman scream and cream. Heavy balls. A slight curve. Growing up pumped full of hormones, you had secretly wondered how your oldest childhood friend’s cock would look like, but you never once anticipated seeing it in real time.
“Holy…” you trail off, and he grins.
“Like what you see?”
You’re spread out for him on the threadbare sheets like a vision from a forbidden oasis. As much as he wants to bury himself in you, Caleb needs to make sure you’re ready first. He licks his lips, whets his appetite, and fills up your empty mouth with his tongue.
“Mhm…” you groan into the depths of his mouth. “Caleb…” You swallow, and deciding to throw him off, you murmur a word he thought would never, ever come out from your mouth:
“Sir,” you whimper. “ Kiss me harder…”
Sparks go off in his mind. He feels like the force of the explosion has finally caught up with him a year later and his breath is knocked out from his lungs.
“What did you say?”
His deep violet eyes devour the look of wanton desire on your face, mind drawing a blank.
Did you just…?
Did he hear it right?
“Again,” he almost stutters, desperately needing to hear that word from your lips. “Say that word again.”
The restraint in your mind is at best a flimsy net letting your inhibitions fly freely. “Sir,” the word drips from your lips like the sultriest confession; the look on his face like that of a holy man scandalized. Except Caleb wasn’t holy—he was hardly a saint. He was the scum of the earth trying to lay his corrupted hands on a being far too precious for him.
Immolating from his own self-hatred, it’s hard for him to fathom that you want this—that you want him.
“Please,” your whisper cuts through the tension of the self-inflicted torment settling onto pensive demeanor. “Please… make love to me, Sir.”
All his years of restraint—of immaculate self-control—snaps like the last leaf off an autumn branch. He rains dizzying kisses down onto the jut of your collarbone, summer rain sweeter than sin on your tongue.
Caleb removes his pants, kicking the heavy material down to the floor as he works his boots off frantically with the toes of each alternating foot.
The feel of his body on yours, almost smothering you to the mattress, drives you wild with a heat stoking right in the heart of your core.
“Sir,” you murmur, almost dizzy with lust.
He pops open the buttons of your dress, slipping it down your shoulders. The swathes of your bare skin presented for him makes him feel like he’s barely lucid, lost in a dream he doesn’t want to wake up from. With one hand, he expertly unhooks your bra and slides it down your body, tossing it onto the floor where it joins his pants.
Caleb is barely restrained when he pushes you back onto the bed, his lips finding refuge in the juncture of your neck and shoulders. He nips, licks and sucks like his life depends on marking you; the sight of his marks on your skin only serves to make his feral need rise higher and higher.
He takes refuge right at your chest, nibbling and nipping the plush fat of your breasts till you’re practically vibrating with excitement, your nipples wet with his spit and aching for more of his touch.
The dark haired man can barely stop himself from what he does next—sliding your dress further down your body till the rise of your lace panties appears in his sights like the sun breaking over the horizon.
He feels the warmth of you on his face, right in his cheeks as your thighs tighten around his head.
“Oh, love,” he groans, like a man starving. “C’mere, Princess—”
He pulls you closer till your pelvis bumps his chin and you squeak, feeling his hot breath graze your bare skin.
“Caleb—”
Your protests die an immature death when he buries his tongue right into your tight cunt. He moans at your taste, the lightning playing with shadows all over your body, illuminating the pulsing beats of darkness hiding behind those violet eyes. His pupils almost swallow those lilac orbs whole, their darkened gaze latched right onto you.
“God,” he mumbles like a man tasting manna for the first time. “... s’sweet… this pussy is so sweet…”
The charming, charismatic and kind Caleb from before would’ve never dared utter such words in front of you. But, his other twin in bed, the one who wears his face complete with a devilish smirk, rolls his tongue over your syrupy folds, moaning at your flavor.
You taste like candied apples, and Caleb thinks he could eat you up whole.
He squeezes more moans past your sweet lips when he draws all your folds into his mouth, spitting it back out only to do it again and again and again.
“You’re so wet,” he slurs, those pretty purple eyes already pussy-drunk. “So fucking wet f’me.”
Your legs spread, wrapping around his shoulders, the taste of your cunt almost coating the back of his throat—Caleb couldn’t be more in love with you.
“Mhm,” he moans, a sight in between your legs, chin slick with your juices, eyes half-closed in pure ecstasy.
“You’re so full for me… dripping down everywhere,” he murmurs, placing a quick kiss onto your twitchy clit. “I could drink you for days.”
Your cries and moans only fuel him to be meaner. Now that he has you in the palm of his hand, he’s not planning to let go of you anytime.
It’s filthy, animalistic, and utterly raw. The emotions he evokes in you quakes through your soul, seeping out of your core only to be consumed by him, your lust growing his lust, his moans inciting your yearning.
Caleb continues his gentle assault on your clit with his tongue, grinning against your cunt.
“Louder… let them hear you.” He slips one leather-clad finger inside your pussy, pressing down on the spongy, soft spot. Those pretty lips wrap around your clit, giving it a gentle suck and you fold.
You keen, tangling your fingers in his hair. It’s one thing to be eaten out this thoroughly, but another to be subjected to such pleasurable torture by a man who has hungered for you for years.
“Good girl,” the bridge of his nose almost rubs your clit raw when he buries his tongue even deeper inside you. “Louder,” he moans past flesh and more pussy juice gushing onto his chin. “Make it messy, baby.”
Caleb… Caleb… your breaths come out in huge gasps, your back arching off the bed.
He makes unravelling you look so easy, and you’d be absolutely pissed off if he wasn’t edging you towards the biggest orgasm of your life.
While you’re in the throes of your pleasure, you feel his gloved hand wrap around your throat, thumb pushing past your flush lips.
“Mhm—” you moan at the flavor of him saturating your tongue. “Oh… Caleb—”
“Yeah,” he growls, chest rumbling. “Say my name, baby. Say it. Scream it.”
“Caleb,” your moans double in volume, the pleasure about to burst from your seams. “Oh, Caleb—!”
Heat, wetness, a deep, stirring pleasure threatening to consume you, and then—
Nothing.
Caleb pulls away, squeezing your thighs. He rips off the gloves, and finally—finally—you feel his skin on yours.
The rasp of his warmth across your thighs drives goosebumps down your arms. “Shit,” you whimper when he pushes your thighs further apart to settle in between them. His body smothers yours, encompassing you in the pure mass that is his weight bearing fully down onto your exposed body.
Bastard. He leaves you hanging, reeling from a ruined orgasm, as you glare at him, your anger and indignation sputtering and dying on your tongue.
“Caleb! You—you—”
He grins, dark and sweaty bangs falling all over face as he drags you closer by the hips.
“Open wide, pretty,” Caleb coaxes, thumbing the head of his pretty cock, smearing precum all over his digit.
Fuck—ah… you groan sinfully. The sight of him pleasuring himself is seared in your brain. You bite your lower lip, shifting your hips. Need drips from your gasping breaths and your head is spinning.
Easy, he murmurs. I gotcha.
Caleb lifts your hips in his large hands, finding the perfect angle before slipping the sticky head between your folds. Your gasp grazes his ears in a warm puff, a telltale sign of your unexpected surprise at how good this feels.
It reminds you of those times when he would tease you as kids—always holding something out of reach and never giving in unless you begged nicely.
And, you sense it’s what he’s doing right now. Mercilessly teasing, testing your patience. Waiting for you to beg.
Caleb grasps the base of his hefty cock and runs it over the mess of your creases, soaked with your excitement for him. He teasingly pushes the plump head past the slutty ring of muscle gaping open for him, and heaves in a deep groan, like that of a beast about to breed his mate. Your eyes are crossed with pleasure, and you’re whimpering sweetly, no thoughts forming in your brain besides more, more, more.
You ache for him, but all you can do is take his teasing. “Please,” you huff, peeling your docile, little lamb eyes onto him, wishing he would relent and just fuck you.
The sheets twist in your fist and your other hand is tangled in his sweat-soaked hair.
Caleb uses one hand to brush his damp bangs off his face, and he grins, intent on making you pliable to his every whim. He presses a kiss to your jugular, biting down on it, relishing in your jolt of pleasure.
You’re so sensitive, even his pelvis grinding down on your clit feels good and you shift your hips higher, desperate for more friction—for more of him.
“Sir,” you sputter, woozy. “Please… please…”
Caleb hums, lifts your thighs over his broad, muscular shoulders. The slight tilt spreads you out for him, a wildflower blooming under his touch. You’ve captivated him with your scent, your skin, your sweet sounds…
But, little does he know, you’re equally enraptured; caught in his trap.
“You’re so pretty,” he murmurs hoarsely. “Pretty when you beg. Pretty when you look at me like you can’t wait a second longer…”
His wet lips swell around your pulse point again, flowering heated kisses onto your sensitive skin.
“Nghh—Caleb,” you whimper and he chuckles—that bastard.
“You ready, sweets?” He teases you, shooting you a smug, stupid smile much to your consternation.
You want to roll your eyes and be crass, asking him to just give up and put it in, but your words get stuck right in your throat when you realize you're already on the verge of losing it altogether.
You take one good look at him, and wet your lips, yielding with a nod.
“Yes, Sir.”
Your obedience is like a hit of ecstasy for him, firing up his veins, and he moans, shifting closer to you. The bulbous tip jostles deep inside you as another inch is added and you writhe, eyes squeezed close in delirium. “Mhnmph!”
Your moans shoot through his veins like licks of a strong, disorientating drug and Caleb groans. His hefty body is already shaking from the strain, and he doesn’t know how long he can last. His thighs shudder, and he has to bite on his lower lip to keep from moaning like a goddamn loser when he finally sinks his dick all the way into the love of his life.
“Mhm—ah!” Your nails dig into his shoulders and he hisses.
He gives you a split second to get used to the sensation, nothing more, nothing less. Obviously, he’s waited for you for his entire life. Etiquette and consideration can come later—all he wants to do right now is fuck the ever loving shit out of you. Caleb sets a pace, one that has you twitching, and he seethes at your lack of resistance.
“You’re—hnng, already so eager,” he snarls. “Been dreaming about this? About my cock?”
The sight of your decoyed necklace slapping against your skin from every thrust drives him dizzy with lust. His name on the dog tag, the apple charm looking so innocent and snug right in the valley of your luscious tits. It doesn’t take much to please a man like him and Caleb is as happy as a dog who got the best bone.
He gnaws on your shoulder, teeth making indents on your precious skin.
Your thighs tighten around his shoulders, body almost folded in half like a pancake.
Caleb… Caleb… you whisper-gasp, the darkness of the room and the subsiding storm outside the windows lending to the dark yet intense atmosphere.
He licks along your bottom lip, sucking on your tongue. You taste so good, Princess…
Your whimpers brush his chin and his hair tickles your sternum as he ducks his head lower, bringing your stiff peaks into his mouth. He nurses and suckles on you, a fiendish look in his eyes.
“Mhmph—you taste like sin,” he groans deeply, the sound travelling all the way down to your core. The forbidden fruit, right here in his arms and like a selfish man, he wants more.
Without warning, gravity disengages around your body and you’re pinned to the ceiling in the blink of an eye.
It feels surreal to look over his shoulder, at the bed hovering above your head, the medicine cabinet and lamp all peering up at you like a twisted version of wonderland.
“Caleb—!”
He silences your protests with a harsh kiss, licking and sucking on your lower lip till you whimper and quiver. Deftly, he guides your hips away from him and lets gravity do the rest. You sink down—full and to the hilt. He’s so deep in you, you swear you can taste him all the way in the back of your throat.
Caleb fucks you this way—mean, demanding—using gravity and his Evol to his advantage.
You writhe and twist in his grasp, head thrown back. The ceiling wall is cold against your back, though he’s warm enough to the touch to make your head spin.
Bodies press intricately, you can’t tell where he begins and where you end. Like two snakes interlocking, you feel Caleb everywhere. His breath on your neck, his hands roaming down your body possessively, the feel of his thick girth hitting every spot just right.
Drool drips down your chin, and you feel him chuckle; the rough rasp of his tongue lapping it up.
Messy girl, he drawls, smacking his lips. A smug grin tugs on his mouth, giving his boyishly handsome face a devilish touch.
Give me more, he urges. More. Make it messy, Princess.
He sucks on your pulse point, your neck the perfect canvas for his marks. Nuzzling you close, you feel the tenderness behind his searing need.
His cock molds into you like a perfect fit. The sound of his hefty balls slapping wetly against your skin fills the room with a salacious symphony.
Caleb, Caleb, Caleb. You can’t control the stream of moans escaping your puffy lips. He kisses you hard again, deepening it and letting his tongue tangle with yours in a passionate dance. Your heart swells with adoration for him; his flavor heavy on your tongue, sousing through your senses like a creeping heat reaching towards its completion.
His touch kindles up more desire as if you’re dry straw waiting to catch fire, and oh—does he let you burn.
Strings of your pussy juice drip past his balls, streaking his thighs like filthy snail trails. The shine of your own arousal dribbles past the pert curve of his fit ass, and ribbons into droplets falling from the ceiling like it’s goopy rain.
Caleb doesn’t care about the mess you’re making. All he wants is to see you unravel.
Your cheeks flushed, eyes crossed—he leans in to kiss you hard, needing to taste your desperation firsthand.
Your hot moans give everything up to him, your body quaking like a tempest ready to unleash hell onto his self-control.
He grunts when you fist his hair, finding your rhythm as you fuck him back, meeting him in the middle. The sway of your hips tells him all he needs to know—his little mei mei isn’t as innocent as he thinks she is.
“—taught you how to fuck like that?” He grunts, lapping at a bead of sweat about to freefall from your chin.
“Huh?” You peel your watery eyes on his, his sticky kiss gracing your cheek.
“Said—who taught my sweet, innocent, little Pipsqueak to fuck like this?”
He punctuates his emphasis with two harsh thrusts, his length jabbing your cervix.
You grunt, eyes rolling back into your head. “N-no one—fuck,” you whine when he slips one big hand between your bodies, rolling his thumb over your lubricious clit.
“A-ah!” your cries rebound across the room as he plays with your fleshy pearl, thumbing circles onto it vigorously, hoping to glean your confession. “Ngh—Caleb!”
Your thighs begin to shake, and his grin turns wolfish. “Won’t let you come ‘less you tell me the truth, Pipsqueak. M’waiting.”
He stamps a possessively hard kiss onto the nape of your neck, like he’s trying to drive the mark of his mouth past your skin.
“I’m telling the truth,” you whimper. “Never had no one—no one but you.”
A deep, guttural groan brushes the soft shell of your ear.
“Swear?” he demands.
“Uh-huh,” you hiccup, all dulcet and demure with the position he has you in. Your lachrymose eyes are fixated on him and only him—Caleb thinks his body might burst from all the blood swelling in his cock and heart.
He huns, and runs his tongue down your clavicle. “Good girl… good little Pips.”
The nickname combined with his derogatory tone inadvertently makes you clench around him tighter, and he hisses.
“You’ll be the death of me, y’know?” His eyes darken and he drives his hips harder as if trying to make a point. “Gonna make sure you never leave my side—we’ll always be together. Forever.”
You whine and dig your nails into his biceps.
“Caleb—” you gasp, almost falling out of his grasp and face down onto a bed 10 feet below you. But, he tightens his grip, and you know he would never let you go.
He shuffles you deeper into the alcove of his body, and you tighten your hold around his neck. “You—mhm—are insane.”
“Yeah?” He grins. “Only for you, Pips.”
Tingles running down your spine, and you feel hot and cold at the same time. He fixes his sights on your glassy gaze, enjoying how wrecked you look under him.
(Well, technically, above him with the power of his Evol, but eh, semantics).
The storm outside is no match for the one raging inside of you, and you cling onto him like a second skin, drunk off the pleasure he’s inducing in you. Kissing his jaw, nipping his lower lip. Caleb grunts when you press your chest to him, the feeling of your pert nipples rubbing against his toned pecs making him feel like this is all a dream—one he doesn’t want to wake up from.
Too soon, his vision to see you come undone flashes as you toss your head back and moan his name.
“Caleb…”
Your whimper is a signal of your impending release, and he grits his teeth, driving his hips further into you, planting his knees on the water-stained ceiling and going ham on your pliant body.
He feels you shuddering around him, dipping his head to feast on the sweat slicking your tits.
He glances up at you, catching your eye the second your release tears through you, his smirk making your heart skip a few beats.
Caleb feels the heat stirring in his own belly. You’re down for the count, holding onto him like a washed up doll whose lax mouth occasionally lets out a few moans and whimpers.
So pliant… so malleable… so easily molded to his whims…
Breaking you clean, he wants to dominate every inch of your body—claim your thoughts as his so that all you think, feel and want is him.
“Ngh,” he groans, burying his face into the crook of his neck as he finally breaks and fat loads of hot cum fill you up.
Caleb holds you closer—securely—as he reels his Evol in, and slowly floats down onto the bed with you in his arms.
With the combination of the serum, your release and this newfound dynamic between you and Caleb, you’re out cold in seconds.
He feels your body going limp, giving way to sleep and presses his nose into your hair. For a few moments, he refuses to let you go, arms protectively wrapped around you.
Then, the peace is shattered by a polite knock on the door.
“... Colonel… we need to evaluate her…”
Shit. He licks his lips and groans softly. You’re so warm, so comfortable in his arms. He can’t let you out his grasp.
But, duty calls and the Farspace Fleet is a minefield of legality. He can’t steal away and run off with their test subject.
Not yet, at least.
As much as he wants to stay like this with you forever, Caleb steels his heart and pulls out of your warm, slurry depths. He dresses you first, and then gets himself presentable.
First Commander Brigette of the medical aide steps in at his signal. Her silver hair is tightened into a bun and mirrors the tight look of dismay on her face.
“Sir, it is imperative—”
“Don’t. Not now,” he mutters tersely and straightens his tie. “Just check if her vitals are alright. And, don’t you dare mention this to anyone else, you hear me? If you do, things’ll get messy for me—the next round of body bags hasn’t been shipped in yet.”
She nods, though she looks like she wants to argue.
The rest of the fleet didn’t yet know of his true relationship with you—to them, you’re just a pretty face their Colonel took a fancy to. And, he wants to keep it that way for as long as he can while he formulates the best plan to get you to safety.
“The sedative we gave her was meant to lower her inhibitions enough to confess,” Brigitte murmurs. “I didn’t think—”
“If she doesn’t wake up, I’m throwing you and your team right into the Deepspace tunnel,” he threatens.
The award-winning scientist flinches, and lowers her gaze. “Colonel Xia, we will recover the antidote for her quickly.”
Caleb exhales, the tension in his broad shoulders lessening slightly. That’s what he likes to hear.
Brigette soon finishes her rounds of physical examinations on you. She bows and exits the medical room, leaving him alone with you again.
Caleb steps forward and gently runs his gloved fingers through your hair. In the silence of the fleet, where mechanical whirs mingle with his steady breathing, he makes you a promise that he will do everything in his power to fulfill.
“I swear I’m getting you out of here in one piece, Pipsqueak.” He leans forward to press a soft kiss to your forehead.
“Swear it on my life.”
He told you before that you would always see him when he came home and this time, he intends to keep his promise till the very end.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6f2e46e2e046e5c8118091682167cab0/6ffa029e4a4f4e2e-58/s540x810/cceead8c4bf69b9b26d9b57ac9975df32f97a9da.webp)
a/n: i need this man biblically and carnally,,,, feedbacks and reblogs are very much appreciated <3
© all works belong to lalunanymph. do not copy, repost, claim as your own or feed my content to AI learning tools.
#🦢 writes#caleb xia yizhou#caleb love and deepspace#caleb lads#caleb x mc#caleb x reader#caleb x you#caleb smut#lnds smut#lads smut#love and deepspace fic#love and deepspace
4K notes
·
View notes